So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need moral support for this bender
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
