p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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