I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize