I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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