Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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