Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
