They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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