Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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