Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
