Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
