Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
