oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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