Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
