i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
