Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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