Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
