Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
