TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
