i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
