Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
