White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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