census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
