mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
