some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
