You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
