Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
