It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
