eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
