She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
