Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
