I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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