I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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