PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
