my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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