If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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