Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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