i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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