You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
