Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
