Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
