I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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