Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
