Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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