New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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