I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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