Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
