hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
