8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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