I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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