I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
