Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
