im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
