An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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