i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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