i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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