I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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