I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
