Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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