I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
