You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
