Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
