she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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