I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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