can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
