i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
