I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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