he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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