before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
