I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
