No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
