if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
